The Ugliest Kitchen in All the Land

This is our kitchen--it is the ugliest kitchen in all of Norway, possibly in all of Europe. Our house was built close to 100 years ago, and then extensively remodeled in the 1960's...ugh! The kitchen cabinets are this weird green, wood grain laminate, the backsplash is made up of orange tiles with huge green flowers, and the flooring is disgusting peel and stick orange linoleum tiles. It is beyond awful. Sadly, we are renting this house, so it doesn't make sense for us to make to many home improvements, especially given how expensive everything is here. (We did rip up the tomato orange shag carpet in the master bedroom and refinished the pine floor--that was a non-negotiable for me! It cost us over $1000 to rent the industrial sander and buy the polyeurethane and sandpaper, plus the lovely deep blue paint to cover the brown walls!)
In typically optimistic Norwegian style, our friends here try to reassure us that the retro look is very popular right now--our kitchen is very in style! First of all, I don't care how trendy orange and avocado are, I will never like them. Second of all, I could deal with the kitchen if it was new and fresh and painted unappealing "retro" colors, but our kitchen is old and vile--the cabinet doors under the sink are so warped that they don't close, some of the drawers no longer slide in and out smoothly, and the revolting peel and stick tiles on the floor are unsticking and peeling up. In the U.S. there are all kinds of home improvement shows and contests to make over truly hideous rooms--is there anything like that in Norway? Does Oprah's interior designer, Nate, do trans-Atlantic room make-overs?
Oh well, enough compaining, I'm going to venture into my ever-so-foul kitchen for some chocolate!